Thirtieth Entry

Thirtieth Entry: 1/25/10 6:08:55 PM

I miss her, and this I cannot deny. I did try, but she always found a way to come to the surface of my mind. I don’t know why I do, I feel like I should not miss her. Alas, I do. I’ve already tried tricking myself to detour my mind, but only she can get in the way. And for unknown reasons, I will continue to miss her, because there is nothing that can snap me out of it. I’ve fallen so far in, it doesn’t matter who else I kiss, because I’ll still miss her. And only she can infatuate me the way she does. I wish she didn’t, I don’t want it to be this way, but it this way. For now, where ever I will go, she will be there forcing me to turn back. I wish I could keep going, but no matter how far I go in the opposite direction she will find a way. I’m not ready to admit this, the thought still aggravates me. I should be able to shut her out of my head, as I can do in other situations. But this will never help, because she is in my head. I am an addict, and I will continue to wish I could of had it, to wish she was mine. I miss what I never knew.

Twenty-Ninth Entry

Twenty-Ninth Entry: 1/15/10 7:11:26 PM

Who am I? I could be the knight in shining armor, or perhaps the lowly serf. What could I be, and Who am I? These two questions cause myself to shutter when I think about it. I am me, shouldn’t that be enough. It should, but it’s not. Eventually, I will turn into something whether that be for good or bad. I could sit and watch my dreams pass by, Or I could jump up and take hold of them. Isn’t it all just a facade? I do not know why I think this way, but I do. That is all that matters. The Why, When, Where, and What do not matter. It is the fact that I do, there is no point in pursuing this matter any farther. I think like this, and there is no point in changing how I think. I will not bend to please other people. I will not stand tall to be a hinderance. I will continue on, thinking like how I think now. Whether it be for good or bad, I will, because this is Who I am.

Twenty-Eighth Entry

Twenty-Eight Entry: 1/8/10 10:21:22 PM

How do you know if things are real or fake? How should we know whether to carry on, or whether to stop. The truth is we never know. We never know what will happen, we can have a guess or a hypothesis, but things can always end differently. Even if we can almost replicate the same events, there is still that possibly that the climax, ending, and epilogue will be different. Life presents us situations; as a result, we act upon them. Perhaps we will not perform the right action, perhaps we will. If we make the wrong choice, we will look for redemption, as any good person will. However, Life will never present us with the exact same situation. I am not saying that you will never have a chance to right your wrongs, opportunities will come up that allow you to do so. We continue on not knowing if what we have is real or fake. Do things even matter in this life? I think so, but to what extent I know not. Because we do not know is the reason why we will continue. We will continue in this journey called Life to find out what in our lives was real and what was fake. What was smoke and mirrors, and what was as real as the ground that we stand on. We may never know, and I must be content with that as I continue to Live on, because whether it is fake or real does not matter. It only matters whether it is fake or real to me in my perspective, not someone else’s.

The Thoughts of An Insane Man

The Thoughts of an Insane Man

What is the point of it all?

All of what, you may ask.

I will tell you, all of this.

What I am doing now,

What I will be doing.

What is the point?

Will my actions have any impact at all?

Or will they fall carelessly to the side of a road,

Like an over-chewed piece of gum?

Or will they be cherished,

Like a child cherishes a five dollar bill?

Why should I even be concerning myself with this.

Do I know?

No.

Should I care?

Perhaps.

Things will happen anyway,

Not because they have to,

But because they know no other way.

Twenty-Seventh Entry

Twenty-Seventh Entry: 1/3/10 2:20:12 PM

What is the most important thing in Life? If I asked someone that specific question, they would answer me with a long list of nouns that are important to them. Obviously, these nouns will differ for each person that I asked. However, they all misheard my question. I said “What is”, which should tip off any English speaking person that I was looking for one thing, not multiple. Once I have explained this to the individual the answers become more in common. Usually, they have to do with family, or something of that sort. Still, there will be some people who will answer money or fame, but they just have different priorities, and I do not judge them for this. For me, it’s not what I do in Life that are the most important, it’s the interactions that I have in life that are the most important.

This also crosses over into my preceding entry about resolutions. The key to living a good Life, or a fulfilling one, is being proud of your interactions with people. I’m not saying you have to be a saint, but just being a kind person goes a long way. I laugh when I think of a specific person, because our interactions were like those of first graders who liked each other. She would trip me in the hallway, or attempt to trip, kick me in the shins, and just be generally annoying. My actions were also similar to hers towards me. To be honest, it became very obnoxious fast. I think what was on both of our minds was just to get to know each other, but we both carried out our feelings in a stupid way. Anyway, I decided to man up, and basically what we decided to for our “New Years Resolution” was to be nicer to each other. I’m sure that will sound stupid to most of you out there, but I feel much better about my interactions with her than I did before. It’s small little things like this, which turn into being the most important things in our Lives.